Hi there, currently I’m having a relationship dilemma. I’ve got a huge crush on this cute guy in my archeology class at college. We banter heaps, and he's very intelligent which is so sexy, and I’m pretty sure we’re flirting. Pretty sure it’s mutual... Well, he asked for my number the other day, mentioning we should get coffee and go over our study notes.
The only problem with this is he isn’t Goth. I gave him my number but I’m not sure if I really want to start a relationship with a non Goth. I’ve never dated a non Goth before and I just wonder how he could ever fit into my friend circles or really meld with my life. I don’t even know if we dig the same music!
Do you think Goth/non Goth relationships can work?
Gothic Princess Skirt, from Dark Spirits Alternative Shop.
Dear Confused Goth. I totally think Goth/non Goth relationships can work! The only way to figure out if you and Mr Archeology will work out is by giving it a go. Ask him about his music tatse, and see what other topics you connect on. It sounds like you have no problems chatting so the channel for dialogue is already open for exploration.
I’m guessing you present yourself somewhat Gothically so he must have some idea that you’re into the subculture. Clearly it hasn’t scared him off as he’s asked for your number and the flirting continues. If you don’t go to coffee or ignore his messages the relationship will probably reach a stalemate anyway. Why don’t you give him the same chance he’s giving you?
By dating only Goths you’re really limiting the pool of people you have to choose from. Sure, you have a plethora of things in common with people from your own sub culture. However that’s not the only defining thing about you. Other’s can have many similar interests without necessarily being Goths themselves.
That and it’s great to meet people from other areas of life. They can expose you to new thoughts, values and music. You may find a wealth of new things to love. At the same time you get to share your love of all things Goth too. Showing someone new can help you look at the things you love with fresh eyes and renewed passion.
Despite this I can understand there are difficult elements to a Goth/non Goth relationship.
It can be awkward introducing him to your friends. They may not accept him as easily as you do. Often sub cultures can be quite intimidating to people from the outside as they feel so obviously out of place.
A way you can help this is by introducing him to your friends slowly. Just introduce him to a few at a time in a laid back setting so they can get to know him. If you introduce him to your social circle at a huge concert it’ll be more intimidating for him. People are less likely to listen to your boyfriend’s peculiar interest in fairy tales when they’re all hyped up and ready to party.
Also, don't forget that just because he doesn't dress like a goth, doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy the movies, music, or art associated with the subculture (or would if you introduced them to him).
In conclusion I think “nothing ventured, nothing gained” sums up your situation. You don’t risk anything by seeing where the relationship takes you. You may even have fun! Give him a chance and go for the coffee!